While I have not been in love since 2008-- ah, the middle school days--, my experience with lovers is pretty expansive. I'm going to be blunt: this post is chock-full of guidance manifested from sexual encounters, emotional devastation and confusing entanglements. Okay, maybe I should scribble out "devastation," but these lessons are from REAL EVENTS. I hope my stories can teach you about your past, present, and future love life!
Love yourself first. I'm a huge advocate for self-love and self-confidence/esteem. The best way to develop a "love" for yourself is to take care of YOU. If something makes you feel good about yourself, DO IT! If it doesn't make you feel good about yourself, DON'T DO IT. Here's an example: If you were to step outside yourself and treat yourself as a friend, how would you treat that friend? Personally, I would treat my friend with compassion, kindness, and care. How would you want to be treated?
Know that your sex life (or lack thereof) does not determine your value. In other words, deciding to engage in or abstain from sexual activity is completely your choice. Friends and family (or your trusty blogger chick, haha!) can offer advice , but it's not their decision to make. Only YOU will know when you are ready, so listen to yourself and your needs! From personal experience, I will say that when you want to proceed, 100% certainty is ideal. When you're on the fence, you're most likely not ready. (Read more on this topic here!)
Sex is not all fresh roses and fancy fairy tale plot lines. I am not being cynical here; I'm simply telling you that a fairy tale standard is screwing up with my idea of love, sex, and dating. And I feel like it affects my peers as well...but mostly just me. Put in simple terms: sex can be awkward, not so satisfying, and even BAD-- which I hope you never have to experience! No need to freak out just yet, though. As long as you take the next piece of advice, sex and love will be fabulous!
Listen to your partner and listen to yourself. This applies to any facet of your life, but especially applies to sustaining a relationship (whether it be emotional, physical, or otherwise). For example, when a friend tells you they aren't looking for a relationship, it's best to steer away if you ARE looking for a relationship. You both aren't on the same page, so-- TRUST ME-- it really isn't worth pursuing. But let's say you're having sex with a new partner. Listen to their requests while assertively expressing requests of your own. Their needs are most likely different from your last partner; and they aren't accustomed to your turn-ons, either. Help each other out and communicate!
The advice doesn't stop there, and neither does the experience.
Much love to you (and your lovers),
Melanie
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